Ok.
So.
Ok.

I didn’t meet any of my goals this week.

Because COVID, obviously.

But also because I went ahead and let the fact that I’m not getting much external validation from strangers dictate how I feel about my skills.

Which is stupid.

People aren’t reading my work because I’m bad at marketing. Not because I’m bad at writing.

Some reminders for myself:

I shouldn’t compare my writing to the writing of people who started practicing before 2020.

I shouldn’t compare my writing to the writing of people who have editors.

I shouldn’t compare my writing to the writing of people who just write faster than me, for whatever reason.

So, realistically, where am I?

This time last year I had just about finished the Vella version of Cate the Cursed. It was just over 50k words. I felt pretty good about that and resolved to write the sequel for NaNoWriMo.

I know that because when I logged into my NaNo account to get set up for this year, I was faced with the fact that I never actually started that book. And honestly, I’ve gone back through my socials, and I still have no idea why at the end of October I was definitely going to do it, and by mid November, it definitely wasn’t happening. I did plan out 13 episodes of a different Vella during that time, and then wrote and published six of them.

So. IDK. Shiny Object Syndrome?

Here’s why this year is different: That draft of Cate the Cursed? It’s 80k words now, it’s been workshopped, and it’s been read by several beta readers (who mostly liked it, but who gave legitimate feedback on places it still needs work).

Is it ready to be published? Absolutely not. But I’ve learned a lot from writing it, and the next draft will be better.

I still think I need to write the next book to understand how to fix the first one though.

So, I’m going to do it. Even though it’s hard, and sometimes I feel dumb and lazy. Because not doing it feels worse.

And this time, I’m not doing it alone. We can do hard things.

New goals next week, even if they’re just an extension of the old goals.